3 weeks in : Fat on a stick

my submarines are confused

Although I know that working out is a slow process, and that life is full of humbling moments that remind me of my worm-like peon place in the grand scheme of the universe, it was still discouraging to find my butt and legs were not able to straighten in a coordinated effort. In fact, if they were submarine crews coordinating a defense, the enemy would have swept in and taken out the entire east coast while my subs were busy trying to not to collide with each other.

Standing Up is proving to be my biggest challenge (oh, other than a single bloody push-up. Girl push-up I might add!)

Paul, with his charming faith in my (potential) abilities, started with a plain bar for my first go with "lifting stuff". First he had to replace the real bar with what is probably known as the Barbie bar.

After a few deep squats with my awkward and slow efforts to Stand Up, that hilarious Paul added two gigantor metal wheels (that were each wider than my entire butt) to the ends of the bar.  I watched, listening to the background clanking noises as healthy attractive people heaved weights and did fierce squats and abdominal crunches.

I positioned my hands on the bar per Paul's instructions. As I took a deep breath, I felt all of my internal organs panic and scramble for the edge of the pool, trying to pull themselves out. My knees grew wobbly. For the first time I felt hesitant, well, it was more like a WTF am I doing?!? feeling. And then a I am sure enough going to look silly crumpled up in a heap under this bar  feeling.

Paul gave instructions on how to hold it, and I ran one mental body check after another. On the gym soundtrack, Billy Idol ranted, Hey little sister, What have you done?

I straightened my knees and took the weight onto my upper chest, holding my elbows high (ok, well, high for me). I stepped back, one step, two steps. I took a deep breath and did a sort of squat. And sort of straightened. I had rocked forward onto my toes, and when I squatted I had started with my knees. Paul struggled for the next 15 minutes to get me to have good (or even, any) form. Obviously coordination is a big factor in a successful lift, but the butt-back/knees-out/chest-lifted/elbows-high/abs-butt-etc.-tight and explode upward! seemed to evade me.

Paul uses many words like hop, jump and explode. So far I have been interpreting them as metaphors for general directional movement. Now I am not so sure. At any rate, he tried to be encouraging but this clearly was not my most successful day.

I finished up with the circus rings & some ab crunchy things (one in a push-up stance.)

Two months! Two months! I keep reminding myself.  I have a two month learning curve

before I get that confidence that I can start to learn something physical (like nursery school & kindergarten before first grade starts.) I'm only half way there, I remind myself. And I'm figuring out that shoulder. 

I know that I have to go through the re-strengthening process, and I have to have faith in myself again (yadda yadda.) It's going to be a mix of good days (I can do it!) and bad days (I am fat on a stick!)