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Friday, July 23, 2010

Field Trip

Ok, so today I navigated to SF Presidio with Paul riding shot gun which just goes to show you that the military really does help you develop nerves of steel, to visit a specialist whom I'll call "Kelly".

I was definitely feeling a little anxious since Paul implied that Kelly was basically going to remove my arms from my sockets, twirl them around and reinsert them.  But this was really going to help my range of motion!
The day seemed so peaceful.
the day seemed so peaceful

The facility is located in a lot across from a field that is probably used by movie producers everywhere: a stunning wide open grassy area over-looking the SF Bay with the Golden Gate Bridge arcing high across the water in the background.
I thought, not a bad view to be enjoying in the last moments while I still have my arms attached.

The facility itself was quite unique (a deluxe Port O'Pot  on site - haven't seen one of those since that 1998 Depeche Mode concert) but of course, very masculine: metal machines, chain link fencing, clanging metal stuff etc.

We had to wait for a few minutes before Kelly was available so I had time to think about how to greet a person I knew was going to hurt me (would looking pleased about this imply odd things about me & pain?)

Kelly appeared to be really nice.  He was cheery, casual, and confident (although I could totally see him smiling while explaining, "ok, now I'll just twist your arm around like so and then angle it up like this... Yes?  That was a scream of relief?")  But actually, his calm and deliberate manner made me feel like a puppy with a friendly veterinarian.

He did point out my crap sleeping habits (bad pillows, sleeping in monkey shapes) and crap head alignment (computer neck) before putting me on my face on the table.  I lay there acting all casual, but I was acutely aware of the remoteness of the location and remembered that Alien quote "In Outer Space No One Can Hear You Scream."

Kelly uses the Vulcan Mind Meld to locate the most painful spot possible in my neck
Kelly uses the Vulcan Mind meld to locate the most painful spot possible in my neck
Kelly skillfully found the most painful spot on my neck.  He masterfully ground into it for twenty minutes while I struggled to keep from gnawing my own lips off (mental note: put Vaseline on lips before going to gym.)

Paul & Kelly chatted away about technique and helpful exercises while Kelly moved my arm around at frightening (but surprisingly not painful) angles.  He was most triumphant when the [technical term for muscle thingy] finally let go, and I was no longer in pain.

He made me pinky swear to come back in two weeks ("So we can work on that shoulder!  I didn't today because I didn't want to scare you off!")  It's possible he noticed my swollen, chewed lips.

At any rate, I can't forswear a pinky vow, so I'll Be Back.

Paul managed to survive the return trip with barely any driving directives for me, which suggests remarkable manly restraint.  Or a drug habit.

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